I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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