I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
