I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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