its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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