Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
