An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize