I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
