soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
