We're like a lot better than the average bears
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
