My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
