people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
