READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Help me help you realize you are a moron
COCAINE IS GR8
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
