ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
