Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize