I think I just saw someone hide a body.
too bad you live with your parents still
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drake has all the answers
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
