Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
