So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
