I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
