I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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