What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
