Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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