I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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