see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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