yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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