we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize