There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
