2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just puked most of my soul out..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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