it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
