hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
