There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
