Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
