your parents love me but you hate me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
