Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
