I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize