I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
