I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
