Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
