Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we should paint friendship bongs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
