when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
