She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
