I didn't shave. On purpose
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
