oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
