I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
