Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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