just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
