I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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