oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize