You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
