Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am available for nakedness
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
