why didn't you poke me back
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
