we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is Oprah even human
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
