I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
