Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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