Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dignity is for republicans.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
