My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
