is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
