Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
