The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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