I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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