just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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