oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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