Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
