Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
