I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
