My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
