just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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