walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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