The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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