She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
