i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize